Good news, everyone! (he said in his Professor Farnsworth voice) Someone has sent me evidence that Jesse is still alive and roaming the wild! As you can see in the photo below, Jesse has adopted a very natural look—and by that, I mean he’s stopped shaving his legs. I know there may be some doubt as to whether this is really Jesse or just someone in a Jesse suit posing, but look at the posture and the way he holds his arms when he walks… that’s classic J.
I understand he’s been foraging for berries and bark, then uses the berries to draw cartoons on the bark. Then he eats the cartoons.
If you spot any other manifestations of our artists, send them my way! It’s always good to know they’re healthy. A mother worries, you know?See? This is exactly how Jesse walks after his morning poops.
That title is supposed to be an echo, in case you didn’t get that. The echo inside my heart… where Jesse used to be…
Nooooobody knooooows the trouble I’ve seeeeen…
If you happen to spot Jesse or Anthony out and about, I recommend two horse tranquilizers instead of the tradition one tranquilizer and a kick to the back of the knee. These guys have been hopped up on magic markers since third grade, so they need a little extra oomph in their sedatives. We’ll go ahead and raise the finder’s fee to…. let’s see… having a character in a story whose name kinda rhymes with yours but in all other ways is completely dissimilar. Deal? Deal.
Make it so, number twos.
(that was a poop joke)
You’ve probably been wondering whether or not I’ve died since my posts have been… well, unposted, for the most part. And the answer is no, I haven’t. But Jesse and Anthony did. Which isn’t nearly as disturbing as the fact that they’ve come back.
I’m writing this from the treehouse in the neighbor’s yard. The zombie versions of Jesse and Anthony haven’t figured out how to operate a ladder yet, so I’m safe so far, and any time they get close I throw art supplies at them and that seems to keep them busy. It’s kind of sad that even as a reanimated corpse, they’re better at drawing than I am. The problem is that they keep drawing pictures of brains then eating the paper.
If you get this, send help. Or Twinkies. Actually, screw the help and just send food. The idiot kids who built this thing were obviously unprepared for the zombie uprising and only packed canned goods and ammo for a measly three days… which is why I pushed those brats out the trap door within the first hour. Poor little bastards…
Remember. Send Twinkies.
Y’know, just when I think I’ve got a bead on where Jesse and Anthony have run off to and you’re pretty sure it’s on the East Coast, they post some random Youtube video of shadowpuppets against a train station wall in California. Artists… I tell ya. Your guess is as good as mine as to where Jesse and Anthony are at the moment.
Actually, screw that noise, my guess is WAY better than yours. And thus begins the segment I like to call “Spot the Artist!”
Here’s my most recent prediction as to where Jesse is. See if you can guess which one is him!
I rarely, if ever, post anything too serious on this blog, but today I wanted to take a sec and post this article
that I wrote for a local paper about my late uncle, Dr Wynn Kenyon, who passed away unexpectedly last month. We’ll miss you, big guy…
And on the lighter side, if you’ve been wondering where Jesse and Anthony have been, they’ve been pursuing an illustrious career as face models. No, not modeling their faces, but using their bodies to represent parts of faces. In the picture below, they are the eyebrows. We wish them luck in this seemingly limitless career choice.
In today’s news, after watching the movie “Warrior”, I’ve decided that I will no longer write stories but will dedicate myself to fighting in MMA cage matches.
In other news, I just thought about how much it hurts to get punched in the face and have decided to keep writing stories. But Warrior was still pretty freakin’ awesome.
In other other news, and for lack of anything better, here’s a picture of my younger brother photo bombing random tourists at Disney World. Enjoy!